2008 Woodie Awards
Off the Bench
Kill all All-Star games
Tony Schwartz
Issue date: 2/23/07 Section: Sports
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Let's be blunt, friends.
All-Star games are suffering animals. It's time to shoot them between the eyes and put them out of their misery.
Since the start of 2007, we have had three All-Star events from two-and-a-half sports: the NBA, NFL and NHL. If you considered watching any of them, I can understand that. But if you actually watched any of these games for longer than 30 seconds, well, you need to do some soul searching and figure your life out.
Why do All-Star games suck? Because it's a meaningless game the players don't care about. I was just in Las Vegas a month ago where the NBA now hosts its All-Star weekend. Let me tell you, when I wasn't working 9 to 5 for my job (the reason I was able to go and skip a week of school), I was out on the strip partying. It's what you do in Vegas. You don't go to see museums or take tours, you don't relax in a lawn chair (unless you're hung-over), and you don't catch up on sleep. You party until 3 in the morning, get up at 8, shower, eat, work, and do it again at 5:01 pm. So do you think an NBA All-Star headed down to Vegas is resting up for the big game? Come on, these guys live a bachelor party every night for a lifestyle; don't tell me that three days in Vegas is actually going to go towards a little R&R.
The same thing goes for the NFL. Here's a hell of an idea: let's stick a bunch of football players in Hawaii after the season and see how competitive they are. If you don't see the point I am making, please stop reading and go walk into oncoming traffic.
Reason numero deuce why I hate All-Star games: It's not even played like a real game. I logged onto ESPN.com late Sunday night and was shocked to see the score of NBA's All-Star game - 153-132. Check out this score from the NHL's All-Star game - 12-9. And from the NFL's Pro Bowl - 31-28. Shouldn't these All-Stars be playing some defense?
I watched 30 seconds of the first half of the NBA's All-Star game on Sunday night. That was about my limit. I thought I was watching a glorified And1 Mixtape performance. Seriously, as one housemate mentioned, "Are there even referees on the court?" Well, not really, because apparently they were busy racing Charles Barkley in a full court sprint.
All-Star games are suffering animals. It's time to shoot them between the eyes and put them out of their misery.
Since the start of 2007, we have had three All-Star events from two-and-a-half sports: the NBA, NFL and NHL. If you considered watching any of them, I can understand that. But if you actually watched any of these games for longer than 30 seconds, well, you need to do some soul searching and figure your life out.
Why do All-Star games suck? Because it's a meaningless game the players don't care about. I was just in Las Vegas a month ago where the NBA now hosts its All-Star weekend. Let me tell you, when I wasn't working 9 to 5 for my job (the reason I was able to go and skip a week of school), I was out on the strip partying. It's what you do in Vegas. You don't go to see museums or take tours, you don't relax in a lawn chair (unless you're hung-over), and you don't catch up on sleep. You party until 3 in the morning, get up at 8, shower, eat, work, and do it again at 5:01 pm. So do you think an NBA All-Star headed down to Vegas is resting up for the big game? Come on, these guys live a bachelor party every night for a lifestyle; don't tell me that three days in Vegas is actually going to go towards a little R&R.
The same thing goes for the NFL. Here's a hell of an idea: let's stick a bunch of football players in Hawaii after the season and see how competitive they are. If you don't see the point I am making, please stop reading and go walk into oncoming traffic.
Reason numero deuce why I hate All-Star games: It's not even played like a real game. I logged onto ESPN.com late Sunday night and was shocked to see the score of NBA's All-Star game - 153-132. Check out this score from the NHL's All-Star game - 12-9. And from the NFL's Pro Bowl - 31-28. Shouldn't these All-Stars be playing some defense?
I watched 30 seconds of the first half of the NBA's All-Star game on Sunday night. That was about my limit. I thought I was watching a glorified And1 Mixtape performance. Seriously, as one housemate mentioned, "Are there even referees on the court?" Well, not really, because apparently they were busy racing Charles Barkley in a full court sprint.
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