2008 Woodie Awards
Off the Bench
There is harmony in academia and athletics
Tony Schwartz
Issue date: 3/2/07 Section: Sports
(Disclaimer: Once again, this column is a work of satire. It is not meant to offend, so don't try to sue the school, The Trail, or the author of the column. If you feel you are part of lawsuit-happy America, please stop reading this column now. Do NOT take any part of this column seriously, especially the end. It is all meant for a good chuckle. This column is a satirical reply on behalf of the athletes of UPS to last week's daring opinion column. Tony respects all different viewpoints and opinions, UPS academia, UPS athletes and the diverse student body of the University of Puget Sound. In fact, he isn't prejudice at all - he hates everyone equally!)
When I was a prospective student-athlete touring the Northwest's college campuses, looking for a place I wanted to be for the next four years, I made a stop at UPS, a school that is a mere fifteen minutes from my house. From what I was told, UPS athletics was the next big dynasty for the Northwest Conference's All-Sports Trophy. It no longer was PLU's dynasty which lasted from '86 to '02. Man, I bet they miss those days.
Anyway, outside of sports, everyone I talked to from UPS said they felt proud to say their school was known as the "Harvard of the West." It's the be all and end all of scholarship specimens. Right?
Sorry, I was being sarcastic. I hate when I do that. It happens though. Now, let me explain my "thesis."
It seems to me that some students at this school seem to hold on to this notion that they need to always act intelligent, talk with a big vocabulary and demonstrate in class their sheer brilliance. You know, you have done the assigned reading, you discuss it in class, and the Brilliance pulls, "what the author really is trying to convey through his tone, etc." B.S. out of thin air. You, like me, tend to be more simplistic in your approach and the Brilliance believes inherently that he and his World of Warcraft friends are smarter than the rest of the school.
It also bugs me that those students choose to come to a small, private liberal arts school. What, it's easier to be the big fish in a little pond? Afraid your educated mind is just going to be average compared to other scholars at another school? Yet, you applied. And big deal, you were accepted. I'm sure you threw a killer party in celebration of easily sliding into a D3 school.
When I was a prospective student-athlete touring the Northwest's college campuses, looking for a place I wanted to be for the next four years, I made a stop at UPS, a school that is a mere fifteen minutes from my house. From what I was told, UPS athletics was the next big dynasty for the Northwest Conference's All-Sports Trophy. It no longer was PLU's dynasty which lasted from '86 to '02. Man, I bet they miss those days.
Anyway, outside of sports, everyone I talked to from UPS said they felt proud to say their school was known as the "Harvard of the West." It's the be all and end all of scholarship specimens. Right?
Sorry, I was being sarcastic. I hate when I do that. It happens though. Now, let me explain my "thesis."
It seems to me that some students at this school seem to hold on to this notion that they need to always act intelligent, talk with a big vocabulary and demonstrate in class their sheer brilliance. You know, you have done the assigned reading, you discuss it in class, and the Brilliance pulls, "what the author really is trying to convey through his tone, etc." B.S. out of thin air. You, like me, tend to be more simplistic in your approach and the Brilliance believes inherently that he and his World of Warcraft friends are smarter than the rest of the school.
It also bugs me that those students choose to come to a small, private liberal arts school. What, it's easier to be the big fish in a little pond? Afraid your educated mind is just going to be average compared to other scholars at another school? Yet, you applied. And big deal, you were accepted. I'm sure you threw a killer party in celebration of easily sliding into a D3 school.
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