The Trail

Issue date: 3/9/07 Section: Combat Zone

Media Credit: ASUPS PHOTO SERVICES/ NICK KIEST & PAUL WICKS Not doing anything for spring break can have disasterous results.

It is almost time for spring break and that means the cruelty and pain of midterms are over. Many students are ready to blow off a little steam and indulge in some well-earned relaxation. In short, many people are about to embark on week-long drinking binges. Some people don't care where they are, just so long as their time is spent profoundly intoxicated. Other folks demand a little more atmosphere; they want exciting backdrops for their benders - or at the very least Canada, which is not exotic but does allow a more substantial slice of the population to push their livers to the limit.

Most students have already made plans, purchased plane tickets and procured several ounces of weed, condoms, some KY and a carrot (if you need to ask what this is for, you are too young to understand). However, there are probably some sad sacks out there who have yet to commit to anything. Perhaps it's because they lack the willpower to willingly eradicate a good third of their brain cells, or maybe they are just nerds who don't like to party. Don't worry, it's not too late! The Combat Zone has a list of destinations and trips pre-approved by the University (University of Phoenix Online).

The first option we present for your consideration is the ski trip. This option is essentially the same as any other spring break trip, except you will be drinking in a parka and occasionally falling down snowy hills at high speeds. If you go to Whistler, you will also be very stoned.
Next up is Lake Havasu, which is pretty much your standard Roman orgy. There will be a lot of intoxication, some gladiatorial combat, gorging, vomiting, weird wanton and public sex and of course a large number of hairy Italians who everyone just wishes would put pants on. Oh, and Jet Skis, but I don't think the Romans had those.

If you prefer a more tropical excursion, we suggest Cancun. With all the joys of visiting the third world, including child prostitution, a shaky legal system and widely available drugs, Cancun is a charming vacation alternative that's a bit closer than the actual third world. On the plus side, there aren't many roadside bombs and the violent anti-American sentiment has been toned down in recent years in an attempt to get a hold of your money.

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