2008 Woodie Awards
Spring Break
Russell Howe
Issue date: 3/9/07 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 1
Ahhh, the smell of Spring Break is in the air. Can you smell it? No, that's the stench of the guy with pit stains standing behind you. I'm talking about the scent of freedom and relaxation that is wafting around campus, heralding nine glorious days free from class.
Many will take this opportunity to go to the beach, go camping, go to wild parties, gamble, gorge on the carnality of youth, become pirates and engage in various other exciting activities. Others will merely sleep, and in my case, that sleep will be punctuated by nightmares of Keebler elves with clammy hands.
The truth is I will not do anything exciting for Spring Break. I never have, and at this point I might as well make it a clean sweep. And I am not the only one who shuns the excesses of extravagant Spring Break bacchanalias. For every Cancun and Fort Lauderdale party, there is probably one other person beside me who remains home and makes the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I mean, there must be: right? Just from the law of averages and what not? In any case, this article is for them - the "remain at homers."
I'm tired of seeing all the hype for wild Spring Break destinations, tired of hearing others talk about their elaborate vacation plans, tired of feeling expected to do something original and thrilling. Every year I am subjected to story after story about crazy parties involving beer bongs, watermelons and wild horses. What is wrong with doing things the old-fashioned way - sitting at home and using Magic Markers to draw constellations over your body's moles?
Those of us who choose to forgo such extremes might not be the most beautiful people on campus, or the most socially connected, or even all that hygienic, but we are still people (except for that one kid who smells like goat). As such, we deserve recognition for our accomplishments, or our lack of accomplishment. Anybody can have fun while taking tequila shots off of naked bodies. Now imagine having that same amount of fun without the tequila, or the naked bodies, or the fun. It doesn't even make sense, but that's what we do.
The fact is that Spring Break does not need to be exciting. It does not need to be exotic, unique, extreme or even fun. The only thing Spring Break needs to be is defined by the name: a break.
Long live the stay at homers.
• Russell Howe is a very sad and lonely man.
Many will take this opportunity to go to the beach, go camping, go to wild parties, gamble, gorge on the carnality of youth, become pirates and engage in various other exciting activities. Others will merely sleep, and in my case, that sleep will be punctuated by nightmares of Keebler elves with clammy hands.
The truth is I will not do anything exciting for Spring Break. I never have, and at this point I might as well make it a clean sweep. And I am not the only one who shuns the excesses of extravagant Spring Break bacchanalias. For every Cancun and Fort Lauderdale party, there is probably one other person beside me who remains home and makes the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I mean, there must be: right? Just from the law of averages and what not? In any case, this article is for them - the "remain at homers."
I'm tired of seeing all the hype for wild Spring Break destinations, tired of hearing others talk about their elaborate vacation plans, tired of feeling expected to do something original and thrilling. Every year I am subjected to story after story about crazy parties involving beer bongs, watermelons and wild horses. What is wrong with doing things the old-fashioned way - sitting at home and using Magic Markers to draw constellations over your body's moles?
Those of us who choose to forgo such extremes might not be the most beautiful people on campus, or the most socially connected, or even all that hygienic, but we are still people (except for that one kid who smells like goat). As such, we deserve recognition for our accomplishments, or our lack of accomplishment. Anybody can have fun while taking tequila shots off of naked bodies. Now imagine having that same amount of fun without the tequila, or the naked bodies, or the fun. It doesn't even make sense, but that's what we do.
The fact is that Spring Break does not need to be exciting. It does not need to be exotic, unique, extreme or even fun. The only thing Spring Break needs to be is defined by the name: a break.
Long live the stay at homers.
• Russell Howe is a very sad and lonely man.
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